just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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