you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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