when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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