nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
