We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
