I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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