Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
