I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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