my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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