If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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