I'm lost and stupid without you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
