im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
