let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
