she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
