my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize