he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
