ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize