I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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