if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
