11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My feet surprised me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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