What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
