Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i love accidental penises.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
