You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
