I bet he comes in French.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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