I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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