i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
