This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
