He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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