So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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