I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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