I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
organizing the empties. That sober.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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