The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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