I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize