could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
