These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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