oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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