The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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