and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
