just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
