It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
