It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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