Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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