Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
