just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
