Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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