just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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