dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
