I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
