she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
