i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
