just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
