I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
