yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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