apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
