Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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