Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
