he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
