I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
