Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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