Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
