The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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