I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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