I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
